i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize