How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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