well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize