I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
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gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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