Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
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4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
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I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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