I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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