I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
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Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
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Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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