Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
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