my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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