She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
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I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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