Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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