Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm really busy with my period
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