Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
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I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
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I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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