i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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