checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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