Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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