when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize