how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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