Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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