Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize