dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize