Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
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He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
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I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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