Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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