i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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