Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize