Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
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I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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