that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
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On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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