Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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