I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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