Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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