In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
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He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
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Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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