um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We don't watch enough power rangers
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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