they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
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I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
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