why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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