Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize