dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
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We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
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I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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