i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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