A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize