pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she told me i tasted like america
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
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So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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