thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
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I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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