Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
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A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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