also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize