I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize