Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
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soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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