$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize