Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize