he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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