I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize