everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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