im holly from the hills drunk
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
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Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
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I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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